Lehanan in Wonderland

THE GREEN LADY II

2009-07-27T02:24:00.000-07:00

2. BIG CHANGES

The fourth night that I succumbed to the arms of the Green Lady I asked her to get me out of there. The truth is that the existence of that woman was the most disturbing and mysterious, and more than once I asked myself if everything was the result of a madness that had taken hold of me during those years in prison. But when she broke the chains that bound me, broke the lock on the door and pulled me out of there quietly in her arms I realize that it was no lie. She took me away from Montparnasse, to a strange but pleasant local outside the city, replete with luxuries and ornaments in oriental style. Later I discovered that my new home was a brothel, but initially it did not interest me all that. I just thought how to recover from everything that I had to endure the last three years of my life.

I was strong and the psychological shock was relatively easy to overcome. But my legs were a hopeless case. The bone had healed completely twisted around and all kinds of malformations the had accumulated around the shins. Walking was an almost impossible task after three years without moving from the floor. However, The Green Lady tried to offer me the best care to forget them. She herself, despite the fact that almost every night she took a little more of my blood, made me feel important to learn singing, piano and violin. I learned poetry and she instructed me in the knowledge of the recent Enlightenment. She often repeated that I was a very intelligent boy and I could achieve a lot if I was proposing. And the truth is that it was correct. I could aspire to anything I wanted, and I found myself always reached my goals. I came to think even if I had limits to what she replied:

- All humans have.

Time passed, and the Green Lady decided it was time to leave childhood behind to become a man. Throughout that time she had avoided to talk about sex and everything related to carnal pleasures, and I thought that those issues could have led to a trauma for me. Also, my great obsession remained my legs. I was horrified to change my stockings and contemplate their malformations. In fact, when servents bathed me, I always refused to take off my pants. And even if they repeated me that the beauty of the rest of my body made them forget my battered legs, I couldn't get rid of that idea out of my head.

-How can I find a lover with these tumors? -I whimper while I rub the amorphous surface of my lower limbs.
But one night the Green Lady went to my room and, after nibbling my lips, she whispered as always:
- Tell me, Abel, has all of this served for you to trust me? Would you trust me now if I say I'm gonna make you forget all your sorrows?

I did not understand what she intended with that. I shrugged and waited for her to continue speaking.
- I told you, you are going to be a God, Abel. Let me show you how to get there. She made a sign with her hand and a waiter entered the room. I estimated how he was more or less my age, and his body was thin and desirable. I looked at the Lady Green while she smiled and got up from bed. I wanted to stop her to stay there with me, but I understood that I was no longer a child and that I had to guide myself. When she left, the boy approached me and began to undress me slowly.

If that was not the best night of my life it was about to be. The innocence and gentleness of that boy awoke in me wildest desires and I didn't let him to possess me despite my disability. His skin was white and soft as a woman, and his thin legs, covered with a light blond hair, made me go crazy. I stripped him, kissed, loved him. I extracted him powerful moans of pleasure, until I made him mourn. More than once he begged me to stop, but I knew that it was a part of the game and he really was faking. Soon I did everythig I could and I fell over him. When I recovered a little my breath to go with the boy looking up and down and contemplate how beautiful it could just be a man possessed by me. And from that moment I experienced with sex without fear and without boundaries. I still did not show anyone my legs. It was the only thing that had not been overcome and that prevented me to reach higher.

On one occasion one of the boys wanted to excite my crotch dragging my trousers down below the knees, and I was so angry that I lost my cool and raped him until he bled. When I told the Green Lady how I felt, I greatly stayed humbled with her answer:
- Well done, my Abel. Do not allow others to do what you do not want to.

Those words were recorded in my mind and shaped me forever.

And so the years passed. And came the day that I became what I am now. At the age of 25 years I thought that I dominated everything, but I still wanted to go further. Exceed my limits. Ignore the Death. The mere fact of thinking that from that point I begin to age produced me a depression. I wanted to stay like that forever ...

The Green Lady opened the last wound on my neck and making me drink her blood, I felt how every cell of my body started to regenerate. I fell into a kind of trance I do not know for how long, and when I opened my eyes, my legs were completely straight and cured. I can not describe how happy I felt those first days. Failure to return to enjoy the sunshine was misery compared with the satisfaction of seeing me running around the brothel as a child. And I had no qualms about get naked and proudly show my legs perfect marked. I even forced the servants to feel them with their hands and lick them. I felt so full of renewed energy and I forgot the curse that rests on a vampire.

I began to feel nausea after a few days. The truth is that I had continued with my normal life and ate everything that the servants were still preparing so hard for me, but I had realized that my appetite was different. I vomited. And a thick red liquid came out of my mouth and stained the beautiful silk sheets in my room. The worst thing is that not only took an instant. So I spent three days and three nights, to be completely dehydrated and depressed. I felt so bad that I thought I was going crazy. Fever produced me spasms and my body shuddered while compulsively made efforts to arrest that fluid which remained flowing profusely from my insides. Then, in a more calm moment I jumped on one of the servants who looked after me, take off his clothes and found his neck. I felt his heart beating heavily in his chest, I heard how the blood was circulating under his skin ... the pulse began to slip through the commissure between my lips and in a rush, I opened his neck with prominent canines.

It was such a relief which I felt that I did not mind if I'll kill him or not. I just wanted his blood.The nausea ceased completely and the heat returned to my body. The boy was making efforts to liberate himself from me, but neither he nor all the servents together could not stop me. I exceeded them far in strength and they had nothing to do.

However, strong hands pulled my hair and I almost ripped my head. The Green Lady prevented me to end the life of the servant. And her anger was so great that she tip a slap on my cheek that almost made me fall to the ground. Her voice sounded so serious that I felt it was not the same Green Lady I had known. Do not touch any of my servants again without my permission, have you heard?

THE GREEN LADY I

2009-07-23T04:35:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION

Come here Edmond ...my Edmond. I want to hug you, kiss you, and have you between my arms. Your body just started to release the heat ... every time you look more like me, however much you want to deny it.

Come ... let me dandel you. I've always liked your body, so white, so smooth ... If I depended on,I always be touching it, but I'm afraid to wear it out if I do. I know from memory: Your prominent clavicles, your pectorals barely marked, your ribs palpable, your thin waist and hips ... But what fascinates me most about you are your legs. Any attire is perfectly adapted to them, marking your thighs and your knees. Ah ... what a source of pleasure.

Pity that these desires are not reciprocal. I loved those expressing sound orgasms with moans and pleas. Now the only thing you do is mourn and resign to me like that boy ... How did you call him? I don't remember ... I know you suffer, my love ... but all we have ever done it. Or do you think my life has always been surrounded by luxuries and that I enjoyed everything that comes in my way?...

Tonight I want you to listen. Yes, stay there, make yourself comfortable. I will make sure that you forget this weakness that prevent you to be strong. Your existence as a vampire so requires, Edmond, since you have to endure for centuries the horrors of eternal life. ... For that I am here... to help you, to guide you ... to love you. Do not cry anymore ... what does it serve you? Just listen to me ...pay attention. Total, you have plenty of time, right?

1. FIRST APPEARANCE

The rain beat heavily windows of my room. The wind was strained through the cracks and threatened to shut down the few candles that were illuminating the room, but I did not care.
I was in my bed, crying. A couple of hours passed that my mother had been buried under the wet earth in the cemetery of Montparnasse. The image of her corpse in the coffin upset me and I was unable to throw it out of the head. Someone knocked at the door. My father, with a bottle of wine in hand, came staggering. Fucking moron ... since my mother had fallen sick, he and drinking were totally inseparable.

- What are you doing? - He asked, approaching me. - I told you to stop mourn now.
- Look at your business – I replied, giving back. It reeked of alcohol. Not worth arguing with a drunk, so I chose to remain silent and ignore him, but I could not imagine how that would be wrong. My father clung me to the hair and threw me out of bed. I hit a chin and my teeth stuck into my lips, which began to bleed. What happened then was so confusing and painful. I felt how some heavy fists hit my knuckles, cheekbones, eyebrows, mouth and nose. It did not take too long for me to lose consciousness. I was only 10 years old.

Unfortunately, that was not the only nor the worst thing that he made me. After a few days that I had recovered from injurys, I decided to escape from there. I did not have anywhere else to go, but any place I figured it would be better than this. I tear all my bed sheets and fabricated a rope tied to the railings of the balcony of my room. Yes, a typical flight. The height was not excessive, but I avoidedlooking at the ground to save the sense of vertigo.

However, I had barely started with my fall when, above on the balcony, appeared the figure of my father, who broke the bottle of wine on the railing and cut with a piece of glass my rudimentary rope. I fell down and I heard a nasty crunch, followed by an unbearable pain. I had broken legs.

My father dragged me back to the castle and locked me in the dungeons.
He never worried about my legs, which had a strangely shape and caused me horrible pangs. Nor for the bruises that almost every night he produced me with those brutal beatings. The servants had left some days ago for fear of my crazy father and nobody could hear my desperate cries for help.

-You deserve it, Abel- he repeated again and again removing the dirty hair away from my face and sticking it for the jaw. -Every time I look I'm seeing your mother ... I want to deface this face, I want you to miss the brightness of your eyes I want to pluck out those lips ... everything that you stole from her, asshole. You are the one who should be dead!

More than once he kissed me. And more than once he raped me on that filthy floor. My own father made me the most terrible things that one can imagine, and so remained for three years ... three agonizing years that have seemed to me like three centuries.
Several ways I wanted to commit suicide, but with my hands chained and my useless legs, completely immobile, little could be done. I could swear that neither Hell would be worse than everything then.

But one night, when everything seemed lost, a figure appeared in my cell. It was a beautiful woman dressed entirely in green. She approached me with languid, but fast steps, and throwing her fine shawl over my body, she whispered in my ear.

- My dear boy ... what have you done to deserve this?

While she was pulling me closer to her body I felt how her cold fingers caressed my wounds and bruises, but did not do the slightest damage. I was afraid to dirty her with my greasy hair and my bloody skin, but she did not seem to care. I supported my head on her shoulder and enjoyed a slight moment of peace in her arms. Her smell was bittersweat, like anise, and her skin completely white and free of impurities. The fact is that despite everything, I could not help feeling a deep attraction for her. I was going through adolescence without having felt the warmth of a woman and carnal desires awakened in me some excitement.
She whispered a lullaby, like a child she treated me, but it did not bother me at all. If that woman was Death ... how would have been beautiful to die! The Green Lady deposited me on the floor face up, unfasten the few clothes that I had and kissed my body while my body shuddered in sweets chills. Then,I felt it. A dagger of ice went through my neck. At first I thought it was a sweet bite, but then I felt a warm liquid gushing from my jugular and draining on my shoulder and my armpit so I realized that was no joke.

Nevertheless, I did not resist. After all that my father had done to me, this seemed to me like tickling. I felt how woman was taking my blood away with long and powerful suckings, her heart beat strongly while my own was losing power. In the end, when I could barely stay conscious, she abruptly speparated from me,launched a loud groan, as if it were an orgasm, and cleaned her lips.

– Tell me, Abel- she spoke again, this time more choppy –Tell me what you want to do from now on. Are you going to continue like this? Will you resign with this fatal destiny? Will you not exert to change your life?
I wanted to tell her what the hell I could do to get away from everything, how could I be able to face my father with my legs broken and shattered soul, but nothing could get out of my mouth except a groan of pain.
- I can help you if you want – she continude to talk embracing me again - I can make you invincible. Everyone will kneel before you. Everyone will be afraid of you, and you will always get what you want. You will be able to challenge even God himself.

What was talking that woman? Had she gone mad? What she intended bribing me with ideals of power and wealth? Me costaba razonar It costed me to think and I felt how the blood loss clouded my sight. Was I dying?

Not at all. The Green Lady decided to prolong my agony a little longer. That night she went away without saying anything more, disappearing into darkness and leaving me her green shawl. I do not remember if I fell asleep or unconscious, but when I opened my eyes I saw my father was there again. I felt how world returns to me again. He did not ask about the green veil that mysterious woman had left me. Nor about the bite and the blood on my neck. Surely the very idiot would think that I had done it myself.

Everything was again the same as before.

With the difference in hoping to see the Green Lady get back at the entry to the night.

PURE ILUSIONS: EPILOGUE

2009-07-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

EPILOGUE: AT MADAMME DELACOUR's BROTHEL

Well … somebody has been granted me the "honor" of narrating the end of this banal story. I'm sorry for those who doesn't want to listen my name, but the destiny has wanted that I talk to you from my more inhuman and insensitive side.

Edmond already said to you that people call me Abel. Indeed my name is much more extensive, so much that I have forgotten it. But, does it matter now?

I never liked to talk myself in public, and less when they're human beings as you, but I long that you know the details of all these events, so take seat, become comfortable and pay attention. Ah! Allow me the luxury of being able to attend to you in kimono. Edmond rests in the room of above and I shouldn't wake him up looking for my clothes. How is he? More beautiful than ever … Edward's loss become emaciated his face and the pallor that covers it accentuates the grey of his eyes and the violet of his lips. Though still I do not understand why he's so affected … ultimately, Edward only was an immature and too young little child to realize how the life works.

Well … let's go to the point. I suppose that you wonder about the premature death of that kitty. Edmond was not realizing it, but in the nights, when we were going out to hunt and each one was taking his course (he always was insisting that he preferred making it alone), I aproached to the most nearby brothel, that of my dear Madame Delacour.
Madame Delacour also had been transformed into the vampirism, before than me, and for centuries she has becoming an owner of the best places of... "desire". She is a seductive woman, clever and with a power of inimitable conviction, which has helped to earn clientele and faithful servants. How I envy her …

The case is that I went there to while away the time, and it was the moment when I discovered between all her subjects it was Edward … he was dressed as the same way than the rest, with Arabic silk tunic and filled with jewels. I confess that I got excited when I saw him there between another young men, who were caressing their bodies, were opening their legs towards me, were masturbating … but he was remaining impassively to everything what happened around him. That was making him more prominent and beautiful. When we met he hardly reacted … he focused his big and green eyes towards me, he tried to speak but he couldn't, and then he gave to me his back. I was hoping that his face writhed as always it did when I was possessing him, that all his body trembled and that tears steamed up eyes, but nothing happened. It seemed that somebody had taken off him of all kinds of feelings.

From then I frequented more often the brothel; I went to bed with dozens of young men, took part in orgies, allowed them doing the unthinkable thing to me while I was twisting myself in spasms of pleasure, but Edward never moved a muscle, not even to speak.

- What does happen with that boy? - I asked once while I was having a little rest over the cushions, exhausted.
- Madame Delacour estimates him more that to any of us - answered one of the boys - he doesn't speak since he came here … maybe he's mute. Many clients prefer this way.

Mute? An assault of laugh almost suffocated me when I listened these words, but I didn't want to say anything. Edward's captivation was in his ability to pant and moan as nobody can. There was nothing more satisfactory to hear him beseeching me to stop it, and to contemplate how he was starting to cry when he was noticing that his efforts were useless. That night that I hurt him it was precisely because he took a fancy to contain his complaints and the tears.

Then I repaired that behind his tunic, on his side, a scar was shining that still had not been closed completely. I had taken care of sliding that sharp dagger where no vital organs were affected, just to cause him an instantaneous pain and not a serious wound that would had meant fever and disease. I approached him, opened his clothes and contemplated that sign had acquired a nice pink tonality comparable with his nipples and his lips.

Edmond might be grateful to me that I never abused of that creature … still he doesn't know that I was visiting the brothel where Edward finished his days.

Not many time passed until one night I returned to that place and saw that all the young men were crying as hired mourners in a funeral. My heart overturned when Madame Delacour said to me that Edward committed suicide opening the veins of his wrist with the clasp of one of his bracelets.

And the idiot of Edmond, ignoring all that, still believes that Edward is be in Heaven … God would never excuse a suicide. The boy stained his soul forever.

Still I have not said to him that I was the one who made that gravestone for his dear stupid lover. I prefer waiting to the opportune time. I don't know very well why I did it, but I suppose that it was because I was hoping that Edward could excuse me for everything what I made to him, granting him a worthy grave.

I know that I ask too much … but what's wrong on thinking about illusions, for very unattainable they are? The existence is based on illusions. It is something that vampires and human beings we have jointly; we devote ourselves to dream awake and to creating in our minds a parallel world to Reality, where to be able to evade and enjoy during a few instants of our Utopias. But don't forgotten … by the majority of these ideas they are mere illusions that only mean a rest.

Ah … midnight approaches. Forgive me. My appetite has been opened and I must prepare myself for the hunt. I will not warn Edmond … when he sleeps he seems that he forget all his sorrows.

I am sorry to have to throw away to you this way from my castle … do you want to stay during the night here? No, you don't, I supposed it …

Well, I wish you good night.

Ah! And please … try to move away soon of here. I would not like to have to feed of anyone of my scanty listeners of this night. You can understand what I mean, isn't true?

I say goodbye for the moment…

…though who knows if we will meet again.

PURE ILUSIONS VI

2009-07-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

6. HAPPY DAYS, DARK DAYS

I learned to adapt soon to life with Abel. In spite of wanting to refuse it, I found certain grace in his games.
The only thing that I was not able to assimilate was Edward's absence. Abel was still preserving his enormous attraction, but he was longing for the sweetness and the innocence of the boy.
One night I rose to Abel's rooms after giving a walk along the garden, ready once again to resign myself to my destination, and I was leaned him on the bed. When he saw me appearing, he smiled, began backward, backs to the pillow, and the dressing-gown being raised a bit, he discovered his delicate ankles.

- Come on, do not continue looking there and approach - he ordered.
I obeyed and sat down shyly in the edge of the bed, without knowing very well how to react. He seized one of my hands and put it on his thigh. I felt all his leg and raising more his kimono, I kissed his knees. Always they had been white and soft, but that time they seemed to me even delicious. He left a slight groan of pleasure escaped.
- Today I will allow you do it – he murmured.

I looked at him amazed. A blush was covering his cheeks and the sweat was steeping his face and his chest. I had never seen him so beautiful and so excited before. I inclined over him and kissed his lips. While I was beginning on his body I felt that he was caressing my sides with his knees, with slow but intense movements. I suddeenly opened his dressing-gown and admired him. It was not the first time that I was praising his nudity, but seeing him like that, under my body and submissively, I became madman. He granted me the luxury of dominating him and, sunk in a sea of desire, I played to my whim with his penis. I contemplated with enormous satisfaction it was the first time that pearly liquid was staining my fingers and not my buttocks.

I proceeded to penetrate him. I attacked against him and tried to be as violent as possible, to take revenge of all those nights which he forced me to make love. But he was enjoying it; his face was the vivacious reflection of his satisfaction and, though a few small red tears appeared of his eyes, he started giving up such groans that I thought that they would be heard on the whole castle.
- More! More loudly! – he was begging to the pace of my movements.
Since I wanted to make him be furious, I sharply detained and he, angered, gave me a slip on my cheek.
- Sticking will not serve to you for nothing - I laughed.
Abel returned his smile to me.
- Edmond, my love … you have turned into an authentic devil!
I sank my face in his beautiful lock, nibbled his neck and, sliding my tongue around his chest, I sucked one of his nipples.
- Not that, dammed! - he shouted, seizing my hair.
But I was going to continue enjoying that game. After demonstrating him everything what I could do, I filled him with me and later we embrace each other and sink between the sheets, exhausted. I looked at Abel and felt an immense pleasure when I noticed that he did not have the same expression of victory of other times. That role now corresponded to me.
- Next time it is my turn – he murmured, covering his eyes with his forearm.
I could not react otherwise that laughing.

From then he allowed us to repeat it like that several times. I confess that initially I liked but, as everything of what is abused and repeats ordinarily, I ended getting tired. I stopped soon finding the captivation to those games and though I will not deny that I enjoyed flogging him, beating him and even strangling him, the nights of supposed passion turned into something so banal that they did not serve to fill my existential emptiness.

That day, after months without Edward, I came to my limit. My unexpressiveness must have been such that Abel realized that something was not rigth.
- Is there any problem, my love?- he asked.
- No … - I answered. What would I win saying to him that already I was tired of all that?
- Every night I notice you’re a dead man, Edmond … - he said me caressing my thighs and my hips - Perhaps have you lack of food? Do you want going out to hunt together?
- Not, I am fine - sometimes times I was astonishing well I could lie.
- Then, what does happen to you? Why do not you return to be like before, some nights my slave, and others, my owner?

I do not want it Abel … it is boring. Nevertheless, for pure mechanics, I threw over him and, once again, I proceeded to please him. I was doing everything possible for getting excited, but I was feeling as a machine unable to fulfill his function. I closed my eyes and started imagining all kinds of fantasies.
It was the time when I noticed in all of them there was impossible not seeing in any moment to Edward. His fragile body, his thin and white skin, his big and sad green eyes, his small and pink mouth, his blonder, paler and more beautiful hair than Abel … his childish voice … his expression of absolute innocence …

- Edward…

On him was the answer to everything. I loved him, only to him, and not to this stupid vampire that damaged him. Abel was only the object which to calm my sexual appetite with, nothing more, and that night I realized it.

-Edward …

What I wanted from Abel? Only that … a body where I could unload my energies, ready to give and receive any pleasures. And what I wanted from Edward? Yes, his body … but also his company, his sweetness, his fondness … and his heart.

- Edmond!
Abel's call extracted me of my thoughts. Still bewildered, I looked at him … and understood how affectedly he was.
- Why did you were calling him? - he asked between angry and frustrated - why are you still thinking on him? Perhaps I cannot offer you any more things that this kid?

Not, you cannot, stupid …
- Forget him! – said this he pulled my hair and forced me to press my cheek against his- Do not return to pronounce his name while we are making love.
- You ask me too much - I answered, and moved away from him, getting up of the bed and looking for my clothes.
- Edmond!
For first time I could see an expression of total desolation on his face. That made him more beautiful and I wanted to take advantage of this situation. I caressed his cheek, separated his hair towards his side and kissed him, but when he was getting ready to surround me with his arms and to press myself against his hips, I stopped him sharply and I whispered with a cold and cruel voice, improper voice of me:

- Do not even dream it.

I pushed him on the sheets and left him there stretched, still erect, humiliated and unable to move.
- What is turning to you so loudly, Edmond? - he moaned while I was going out of the room - What is stealing my forces and giving them to you?

That question was on my head the rest of the day. It was true … what was happening? I always had been the slave of Abel and there were infinite times that he had forced me going to bed with him. Now that I notice, he probably never raped me, because when he was prepearing to do it, I never did efforts enough for stopping him, and I was giving up myself, excited, and though I was begging him to leave it, this was not any more than words to start a game where he was interpreting to the fierce wolf and me to the innocent Little Red Ridding Hood.
Lately we had exchanged our roles … probably also we had exchanged our personalities.

After few days I noticed I had spirit enough and force to leave Abel and his castle, but I wanted to make him suffer more. He really loved me, and the slow loss of a dear being is much more interesting than which happens from one day to the next. It was that way I started torturing him which; I was throwing him on the bed, I was undressing him violently,I was exciting him … but I always left him there, frustrated for not ending our carnal act.

I decided it was the moment to find Edward, to embrace him and to say him that we would return to be together … it is not necessary that you say that I was a dreamy stupid boy with infantile ideas. That was only a frustrated dream … an unattainable Utopia, a pure illusion.

There where Abel found him for the first time, near the church of the village, I asked the parson if he knew what had belong to the boy. The elder looked at me with sadness, crossed himself and took me from the shoulders.
- There’s a long time that boy does not come hereabouts. The people rumor that he died months ago and he rests on the cemetery of there … I am very sorry, young man.
That information shouldn’t be true. I wanted to believe that the elder was wrong. Poor dreamer of me!

***

I still regret doing come here. A tablet of white marble adorns his grave. At least I can feel been grateful. Edward was buried worth, being saved from the common grave. Who was the one who has financed his funeral? I doubt that the people of the village is so charitable, though who knows … is it necessary to think that Abel has doing it and he did not tell it to me?...

Damn … I’m crying the whole night. I should leave it … I cannot do anything. I rub my eyes with the back of my hand in an attempt of the tears wiping myself, but I do not obtain anything. Why are tears of vampires so red, thick and showy? Probably that’s one of the multiple punishments we take implicit. How I hate them …
Here concludes my statement and my desire of living. What do you say? Ah, no, I am not interested in. Guard these words for the one who wants to hear them, I will not be who does it. I know that you, human beings, have too simple mind to understand ourselves. You despise the vampires … but calm; we also hate you. This is a fight without end or truce that will extend up to the extermination of our races. There were moments in my past that I believed in an absolute balance between both decrees capablly of being a solution, but as all the notions that were patrolling in my head since long time ago, it was something ridiculous.

Only we have a thing jointly … love.

Love is something that makes you happy; also to us. Love is something that can take you to the ruin; also to us. Dear credit has been for me the reason of more weight to have detested up to this point my existence. If I am not capable of loving anybody more, what is that encourages me to continue living? Already nothing makes sense for me. I go adrift, without any end, resigning myself of all what happens and twisting me in my own pain and repentance.

Edward …

I sink in a sea of agonizing eternity. God … Lucifer … why can none listen to me? Is it because my soul should belong to someone of you? Is it because I violated the procedure of the nature?...

Edward … I’m sure you are in Heaven. If I died, before submitting to the fire of the Hell, I would like to be able to see to you there in the clouds for last time, while you extend your arms towards me and dedicate one of your infrequent smiles.

Only with I would remain satisfied forever …
I will never be able to forget to you.

If only you could hear to me.

PURE ILUSIONS V

2009-07-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

5. THE LAST TIP

-Edward, please…
- No! Leave me!…

The boy was running got out of Abel's lodgings to go towards the exterior gardens. It was dawning, but luckly one solid fog impeded the solar light to damage my eyes. I attempted to catch Edward, but he was rejecting me and runing away from me. However, it was only matter to wait for him to become exhausted.
That moment came promptly. I heard one curtly and fragile blow and quickly I could make out his silhouette leaned on one tree. I approached and embraced him… he wasn't able to resist. He leaned his head on my shoulder and soaked my shirt with his bitter tears.

-Why? – he protested scratching my back with his nails – Why are you doing this, Edmond?
- Try to calm down… - I advised, avoiding to pay attention on the blood which was still gently flowing out of his thigh.
- To calm down?- he said that and he released one sarcastic laughter, which was interrupted by one stroke of dry cough.- You are the one who needs to calm down!

I didn't know what to say, nor to do. It was the first time I saw Edward in that state of extreme anxiety. Before I could say anything, he took his hand to the wound, and letting escaping a moan, he soaked his fingers in his blood and inserted them violently in my mouth.

- I know you want it- he affirmed, frustrated, contemplating my face. It almost produced me the nauseas, but I needed to drink that delicious nectar which I hardly had tasted - You were presuming to criticize him, to call him a monster… and now it turns out that you are like him… no, even worse! Because you are not even capable to accept your true nature and you torture yourself by convincing how you want to be a good person!

With the arm which still was free he got rid of the rags that were covering his torso and he undid his trousers.

- I know that besides my blood, you also wish this body! - he roared suddenly - Or maybe you think I didn't notice it? Come on, do it! Drain me! Rape me! Extract the true monster which you carry inside!

His words were really making my capacity of self-control vanish completely. It bothered me that he was offering me his blood, it bothered me that he was undressing his body … but moreover, it bothered me that he was calling me a monster. It's true that even I have called myself on this way, but in that moment I thought that he didn't have any right to say it to me. More knowing that I have just liberated him.
The anger got completely ahold of me and I felt the strong impulse of conquering him and forcing him, making him see what a monster I could be … but I also wanted to demonstrate that actually I was crazy about him. Perhaps, during all this time, I had not made anything more than a hoard him, overcoming all my anxieties, and taking care of him as if he was my own son?
I fell on the knees, embraced his legs and closed my eyes. It was not the moment to begin to cry, but I could not avoid it. I needed to suffocate all my rage and oppressing my weeping between his thighs appeared to me as the most correct thing . It didn't take a long time for Edward to bend his knees and sit opposite of me, embracing me with his trembling arms.

- Now you will leave me... - I whispered pressing my cheek against his neck - … ignoring everything what I have managed to feel for you … treating me as a monster … how it hurts me to know that this is the image which you will still have of me!

He seemed to be taken aback by my words. He stopped being upset and looked at me with his green eyes.
- Edmond … - his hand went to my nape and caressed my hairs. That produced a shiver so intense that all my body trembled. I was extremely weak and on the verge to go off in a faint. The smell of his blood was exceedingly exciting me, but I was trying to ignore it.

- Who is the true monster here? - I returned to speak - Me, for loving yourself, or you, for rejecting me?

Suddenly, for my surprise, Edward softly moved aside my hair and leaned his chin on my forehead. I felt his breath where my hair rised, one warm breath accompanied with a few slight but fast pantings. His hands settled on my cheeks and I felt that he pointed my head towards one of his shoulders. I kissed his skin more sweetly that I could, while he was handling my head by his whim, until he inclined me towards his bleeding side.
Then, attracting him to me, I drank of that sweet and warm blood, and little by little my unrest completely dispelled. With each suction I was pulling out of him a moan of pain, but I couldn't any more go back. Nevertheless, Edward didn't do even the most slight effort to stop me; he forced me to not separate my lips of his skin by pressing my head against his body.

We stayed in this way for a long time, and if Edward had not whispered «stop now», I would have drank eternaly from him. I moved away heaving a strong sigh of satisfaction and regained breath. I felt one kind of ecstasy, mixture of pleasure and tiredness, like if that blood had drugged me.

I sat up forcibly, and after bandaging his wound as I could, I lifted him on my arms and setted off towards my den. I did not know very well why I did it ... the only thing I wanted was to take advantage until the last free second that Abel tipped me, before ending up forever under his control. And to be able to enjoy it, I had to get rid of everything related to him, moving away from that tainted place.

I do not remember how was that way of return, across the pathways and forests. I had never moved during the hours of sun and was totally bewildered. But some type of external force helped me to arrive without problems, and when all that darkness of the cave invaded our bodies, I felt that I was completely waking up.
Edward was still bleeding, though more slightly. I would have liked to know how Abel had opened him that wound, but I did not want to make him remember those bad moments, less knowing that now he will not have to return to put up them and he must do efforts for forgetting them.

He was lethargic and his paleness was accentuating his half-open mouth and the scratches of his skin. In spite of being sick and injured, I saw him more beautiful than ever.

I sat him on the edge of the bed and asked him to try to have the back as straight as possible. I knelt down opposite to him and, tearing the sheets like bandages, I wrapped his body with them. Edward was leaning his head against mine, looking for a point of support to not fall down and oppressing his groans against my hair. Nevertheless, I was not finished my labour when, taking hold of the lapels of the coat, he indicated to me that I should get up. Immediately he laid down on the pillow and I felt how he was attracting me towards him. I had to lean my arms in the or bedspread to not let that all my weight fall on him. His hands unbuttoned my shirt and his fingers began to touch my skin.

It is not necessary to say how it excited me so much that I could not control my desires. A cold sweat covered my body and I had to pull off all my clothes that bothered me. I kissed Edward with all my forces, I separated the fringe of his forehead, I nibbled his lips and his tongue, ill of passion. He was answering by surrounding my neck with his arms and yielding himself to all my movements. His breathing was so anxious that I was afraid that was harmful for his wound, but he begged me not to stop.

- Are you doing this because you want ,or only to please me?- I asked him looking into his eyes.
- Because I want it…- he answered. – It's my way to ask you forgiveness.
- Forgiveness? What forgiveness? - I laughed. – What is that I should forgive you, Edward? That your eyes have bewitched me? That I fell in love with you from the first moment? That you were allowing that was Abel who snatched your virginity and not me? That you did not even permit me …
- Edmond, please! - he interrupted putting his fingers on my lips - Only excuse me … forgive me for everything! For have being feeling so confused.

Honestly, it was not worth to question that situation. Neither the sadness, nor the hatred, nor the anger should tainted that moment, and we both knew it. We ignored our sorrows, our rancors, our hatreds and our problems, submitting as slaves to the pleasures of love.
I have never imagined that Edward was capable of moaning in that way. I wondered if when Abel possed him, his body was reacting in the same way, arching backward, adapting to each caresses, and tensing all of his muscles. Or probably it was the first time he indeed was experiencing what was love and not rape?...
Something inside of me was refusing of uniting with him. Maybe it was his face that was pressing his eyes or his mouth that was bitting the knuckles of his hand. More than pleasure, it seemed that he was experiencing pain or suffering. I felt the impulse of stopping, but he prevented it by grasping my buttocks and pushing me towards him. My desperation was such that when I saw how the bandage of his side had soaked in blood and sweat I wanted to tigthten it more, but I did not have hands to do it. My arms maintained to be stiff, supporting my weight, in order to not crush him. I caught with my teeth one of the ends of his bandages and I pulled it stronger that I could, but with it I took out from him a shout of pain.

- D … don't do it! – he howled leaving his tears escaping - I cannot breathe!

I wanted to protest, but only a groan went out of my mouth. Immediately after, Edward trembled under my body and during a few seconds I was not capable of thinking about anything else than that pleasure which had empowered us. It was about something so powerful, so magnificent , so wonderful, that I managed to believe that it was a work of some divine power.
Finally I fell on his chest, which was raising and lowering almost in the same rhythm as my exhausted breathing. I sank the forehead on his shoulder and we try together to recover the breath, taking our hands and relaxing our bodies.
Though I was doing efforts for not fall in a sleep, my eyelids were closing. " Not, not … not now!", were my last thoughts.
But I could do nothing for surrending to Morfeo's arms.

Since that moment, I never saw Edward again, but when I woke up I was not conscious of it. When I opened up my eyes, the whole well-being which had accumulated during last hours with Edward, disappeared completely. The boy was not there … on his place, a figure of long wavy hairs was looking at me with his almost white eyes and similing from ear to ear. I had never seen so happy Abel in all my life.

- Good night, my love – he whispered.

And turning me round, he stretched me on the bed, and raising a bit my hips, he gave me a welcome with one of his more violent and prodigious penetrations.

PURE ILUSIONS IV

2009-07-23T04:10:00.000-07:00

4. SACRIFICE

Once there in my den I wasn't able to let go of Edward during some time. I still couldn't believe that I had him back between my arms again, and I would have liked nothing more than detain the time forever in that moment.

I carried him in my arms to the room and lay him down on the bed. It was in that moment when I noticed that the clothes which I had lended him previous night had been substituted with other which doubtless would have ended up narrow if not became because of its delicate constitution. He wore black shorts, tights from one women, fastened to some suspenders of leather for which Abel had charged himself to adjust and tighten to his size. His arms were covered with some long black gloves which fitted strongly below his armpits with shrewd and resistant straps. Something that hurted me the most was seeing his neck, surrounded with one wide band of leather from which were coming out sharp and refined cones of metal. When I removed it, I could see how this has been squeezing his flow of blood and has left one pale mark which little by little turned into the same colour like the rest of his skin.

- Are you stupid?- I said while I was aggressively throwing that accessory on the floor. –Why didn't you remove it before?
- I tried…- he answered, closing his eyes and cringing his body– But he punished me for that- he added after and started to cry.
I didn't need to hear nothing else to know how Abel was bited him… and not only that; surely he was also raped him, more than once. I suddenly got up and came out of the room, scratching the wall I tried to get rid of all my anger. I cursed myself so much times that I could and put my hands on the face with desperate gesture. That damned vampire has stained his purity, and I couldn't accept that.

But that feeling was nothing comparable to the one which some days after approached.

One night, when I was alone in my den, I felt especially ill; the thirst for blood produced me one kind of feverish state from which I couldn't achieve to recuperate. I came out in a hunt and drained the blood of everything alive which had intersected my way, but yet I didn't remain satisfied.
I was thinking about Edward all the time, I couldn't no longer bear that in those moments Abel was drinking from him and me not. In the nights when I retained him with me, each time when I felt temptingly, he was looking at me with those eyes… one innocent look which was begging me to not hurt him. But that night my vampirical instinct was to much intense and I was able to do whatever to taste that blood which doubtless would be delicious.
My impulses conducted me to break the agreement, and that magic which has always conveyed me to Abel didn't help me, it took me a long time to find him.

Nevertheless, the doors didn't offer me any resistance and I came in forcefully, without none type of problem.

- Who dare to interrupt me?- bellowed one voice. Shortly after I recognized that it was Abel. - Oh… Edmond, my love! – he said now more gently. I saw how he hurried to come down from staircase. He was wearing a part of his long hair in one bun and covered his body solely with that red kimono. – Soon it will dawn, what?...
- Give me Edward- I interrupted him trying for my voice to sound firm and serious - I come to take him away.
- Ah, darling… I believe you got ahead a little – he laughed. He took my hand, undressed my wrist and caressed with his long nails that deep scar. - Until you feel my call tomorrow night, you shouldn't come here.
- It's all over, Abel – I pushed him on one side and ran towards his rooms.

He didn't react. He simply confined himself to follow me. His face was live expression of entertainment, and that was one omen which betrayed him later.
When I approached to spiral staircase, Abel grasped my shirt and made one light intention for detaining me.
- You shouldn't go in – he warned me, but I separated myself from him and came in quickly.

If only I had obeyed him. Only to come in the room, one smell of the blood and sweat violently pierced my nostrils and produced me one knot in the stomach. My heart seemed like it would came out from my chest and in my head commenced the dizziness. But the worst of all was to set the sight on one figure which I discerned, was sitting on the floor, leaned against the wall. I didn't want to know how that guy was Edward… my poor Edward. When I approached I saw how the boy was lying there unconsciuos, damaged, like it was about one abandoned toy. He had gag, and tied arms. One chain hanged from his collar of leather and all his clothes were tore up. One big red stain was covering his right side,dripping downwards and soaking his hips and pants. He was wounded.

I'm not able to describe what was it which I felt in that moment. Probably it was intense anxiety to drink that blood. My strenght abandoned me and I fell kneeling on the floor. My eyes only knew how to focus that open wound and my body went unconsciously on all fours towards Edward. I reached his legs and kissed his teared tights. The temptation was too big… the boy was there, inoffensive, submissive… I crawled between his thighs, I clinged on his hips and started to lick the blood from his pants.

One torrent of pleasure crossed my body and I believed how I was born again. I didn't care that Edward stired up slightly and tried to shout. Even though he was gagged, I opressed his moans by pressing his lips with one of my hands and immediately after proceeded to soak up that warm liquid which was driving me crazy. But when I lay down my mouth on his skin, one twinge in the wrist forced me to let go of him. Something pulled my hair and inclined my head backwards, with one movement so sudden that I almost fell over the floor on my back.
I felt how Abel's voice whispered on my ear.

- Irresistible, isn't it?- he said- His skin, his voice, his breathing, his body…
Yes, everything on Edward was irresistibly desirable. No other human being has attained to excite as much my senses.
- However, this is not what we have agreed, my love – he continued to talk – Until tomorrow night I cannot allow you to possess this creature, or is it…- he stopped himself while he was licking my ear- …or is it that you want to modify the deal.
His hands placed on my thighs. To modify the deal? What is it that he wants to propose me this time?
- If you accept…- he explained- I will leave the boy entirely free… whenever you occupay his place.

I was too much stunned to give him one instantaneous answer. He pushed me violently against the floor and ripped out the coat and shirt, leaving my torso and my arms completely naked. I felt how his wet tounge licked at first my neck…next it passed to shoulders, chests and abdomen… until it arrived to my hips. Then he undid my pants and he prepared to take them off, but by doing that one effort stopped him.

- That's enough…- I moaned- I still didn't accept that!
- Neither you need to do it- he laughed removing long hair from his face - I know that you still have human heart, and after you saw this badly injured kitty, I do not believe that you are capable to hand over him any more in the claws of his evil owner… Am I wrong?
How rigth Abel knew me… more than myself. He was right, but I didn't want to agree with that. I put my hands over my eyes and nibbled my lips, desperate, without knowing how to react. I felt excited, starving, and confused.
- You never need to talk, Edmond- he said while he was taking off my pants down to my knees- Your gestures and your mouth know how to express anything better than wichever word.

Does it mean yes? Was I really able to hand over myself to him for liberate one simple mortal human? The scar on my wrist was disappearing, but soon I stopped to pay attention. I started to emit some loud moans because of pleasure that Abel was accumulating in my crotch. I violently grasped his head and undid the bun, and felt how his hair fell and adhered to my sweaty body.
- But you better obey your word! – I bellowed suddenly.
- That I should say, my Edmond – he laughed- since you are the one who broke this pact.

I remember how through the window, the last stars of the night still were shining firmamentaly when Abel, after so many years made love with me again, such as he had been doing long ago.

And how much that it coasts me to admite, I have to say that I always longed for his caresses and kisses. Even though it was there, on the floor, precipitately and impassive to the torture which was supposed for Edward, we loved each other with passion and I hated myself eternally because of it.

PURE ILUSIONS III

2009-07-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

3. THE BEGINING

The first night that Abel took away Edward was the worst of all.

He appeared from nothingness in my den. I couldn't explain how he had obtained to locate me, but he assured me that thanks to our pact, he and I were now connected.
- You will understand when tomorrow night you'll look for me to calim this beautiful thing- he said while he was going towards the room where the boy rested.

Poor Edward…I still perfectly remember the expression of his face when he saw how Abel was approaching to him with energetic steps showing his sadistic smile.
He threw himself above him, fell down on the bed and sat down on his hips. I couldn't react… I was making supreme effort to not hurl myself against Abel and impede him to get hold of the boy.
- Ah… I've got so much desire to end up what we had started last night so I do not believe that I can wait for us to return to my home- said while he was violently ripping the boy's clothes and touching his trembling body with the hands. – Would you mind lending your bed to us, Edmond?
That damned idiot was provoking me with his words. I closed my eyes to not see Edward's bewilderment and frustration. I heard how he was shouting my name, but I had to ignore it, although it involved absolute pain. It even made me feel sick.
- Go away…- was my answer.
- Oh, come on, do not be so boring -laughed Abel- Today I also feel generous, so if you want, I invite you to join us!
- Clear off! -I repeated now more aggressively. I didn't want him to stay there for a longer time, tainting my sheets.

For once in his life Abel obeyed me. He got off the bed, combed his long hair with fingers and with somewhat bed-tempered gesture, collected the clothes.
- You lose – mumbled he.
Immediately after, he tyrannically dragged Edward for arms and embraced him against himself. To see how the boy was attempting to liberate himself desperately, I wanted to stop them…but when I ran towards them, it was too late. They had disappeared leaving on their place one cloud of dust which quickly dissolved in the air.

And the loneliness and the silence returned to regain the cave.

I decided to not stay closed there for a longer time, so I got outside in hunt for food. The nocturnal animals already intoned their mournful lullabies and the ways inundatory with damp leaves strated to make journeys for the frightful ghosts, who was releasing those laments which terrified so much the travellers.

I started to walk without fixed direction until I bumped into one small house surrounded with one fence of oxidic iron. Despite of having an derelict appearance, my sence of smell was able to tell me that there was human life. I entered discreetly and after advanced some steps in the obscurity, I bumped into one female figure. She was looking with her big eyes towards one of the windows with one indifferent expression. When I approached to her I could see how she was half naked and her thinness was extreme. To see how I appeared, one hopeful splendour appeared in her eyes and her lips attempted to show one smile.
- Are you… the Death?- she asked weakly.

The Death? No… something worse.

- I wait you for days- she spoke again- I don't want no longer continue with this agony. Only you can concede me the eternal rest.
She stretched out one trembling arm towards me and caressed my cheeks. Her fingers were fine, and blue with cold.
- Take me away!- she begged in one sigh.
- Why are you here?- I asked- What have occured to you?
The girl looked me with amazement, but seemed happy because of my words.
- The Death…is interested in me? I've never heard that you like to listen the stories of your imminent guests.

Immediately after she told me her story. One touching story which I've later forgotten. I don't want to tell it here and now…because then I'll turn aside from something which I really want to tell you. I'll only say that girl had been living in absolute solitude after she had unconsciouly killed everybody she loved. Her illness apparently was contagious, although on me, because of being a vampire, wasn't affecting.

- A suicide appeared to me so cowardly…- she concluded- So I let the illness to snatch away my life, although it's slow and painful.
I took pity on that creature… I embraced her skinny body and inclined her head on one side.
Her neck was long and the skin which covered it, very delicate.
- Don't be afraid - I whispered- It's all over now.
I sank my fangs in her jaw. She cringed in one spasm and let go one light moan, but I could notice that it was what she wanted. I surrounded myself with her arms and embraced her against me.
- Thank you… - were her last word.

The blood of that girl wasn't specially delicious, yet it was human blood. Promptly I began to feel much better and, without letting go of now dying girl, I lay down on the wet ground and felt how the warmth and life inundated my body again. Everything to me looked like it was embellishing…even that girl which was in my arms appeared to me white and delicate like one doll. After all, we vampires don't know only how to hurt people provoking their deaths. To her I made one favour.

I don't know for how long I remained like this, enjoying in my resurrection.

When I got out of that house, I saw how the first rays of dawn began to illuminate the environment, so I hurried to return back in my den. There everything came back to be like before: The smell of the candles, the bustle of the bats who started to retire after one night in the house, and the bottom room which was inviting me to sleep during the hours of the day…nothing abnormal.

I undid my clothes and stretched out on the bed. However, to attempt to get to sleep, I felt one kind of anxiety which impeded me to maintain relaxed. Edward had left some time ago, but the sheets still continued to be impregnate with his smell.
- Edward…

I stired for hours to get heated. I felt breathless. The day seemed endless to me.

Finally it started to get dark. One tickling covered my wrist and it frightened me. There where Abel had left one deep scar, the skin started to irritate and burn. Was it the simbol of his call?
Wretched because of one invisible force, I got out of the bed and left my shelter. The sun had already hidden completely and the night conquered the sky again.

Suddenly, my sight darkened and I believed I crashed with one tree. At first I thought how the blow had left me stunning because I felt like it was some kind of animal or beast who ran giddily fast on the pathways of the wood. I advanced crazily to find a way through the leaves and branches of trees. What was that sensation? Quickly I realized it wasn't illusion. There, in front of me raised one castle… one castle which I perfectly knew. Its pointed towers, gothic facade, enormous gates of wood… everything was like before. Abel's castle was conserved intouched despite of years which passed from the last time that I saw it.
One frightened silence reigned that place. I was tired, but I couldn't stop to move my legs. I advanced towards the main door, which opened by my step, delighted me with the creaking of its hinges. I still remembered the entrance hall: One big room paved with black and white squares, whose centre was divided with one stairs of marble which upper splited in two. The environment was tenuous illuminated with candle-lights, but I was able to catch a glimpse of one figure on the stairs. I immediately recognized Abel's silhouette and my heart missed a beat. I ran towards him, even though now scarcely remained me the strenght to do it.
- Where is he?- I anxiously asked.
- So so- he laughed. – You are in so hurry, my love? You have just arrived… Do you want to rest a bit?
He was dressed only in one red kimono loaded with sequins and laces. His wavy hair was falling wildly over the shoulders and face. He was holding one smoking pipe which was letting out puffs very immediately.
- Tell me where are you keeping him!- I begged him by pulling volently his clothes.

He didn't answer. He was looking at me with his almost white eyes and similing from ear to ear. He very idiotic was enjoying with that. He threw the smoking pipe on the floor, and pulling my hair he kissed me so fiercely that I believed how he will tear off my lips.
- If I annoy you more… will you be capable to show your most violent side, Edmond?
He said that and clung to my buttock and pulled me towards himself with one quick gesture, typical for him. I felt how his thighs were caressing mine and his knee went dangerously towards my crotch.
- This isn't what we have agreed!- I shouted while I was making efforts to separate from him.
- Ah… my Edmond…- he said and violently raised his knee and pressed my penis. – Look what are you, one spoilsport… with everything that I gave you at least!
- That's enough…- I begged – It's Edward who you have, not me.
- You really don't want this…?
- No! – I suddenly interrupted him - I only want you to fulfil your part and hand over me the boy. Abel looked me grievously and finally derogatorily let go of me.
-I suppose you remember where are my rooms…don't you?- he said- If he didn't yet thow himself through the window, he'll still be there.

I didn't need to hear nothing else. I perfectly knew where are his rooms and I broke into a run.
I just had to arrive to the bottom of the corridor, turn to the right and climb on one apparently endless spiral staircase. Once I found there one room filled with paintings, candles, cushions and curtains. When I arrived only two things have changed: The large window was broken and curled up figure between the sheets wasn't me.
- Edward!

My call sounded muffled. I hurled myself desperately on the bed and embraced boy's body as much strongly as I could. I kissed his blond hair, caressed my cheek with his, touched his shoulders with my hands. Why I so longed for him?

When Abel came into the room I lifted up Edward in my arms and before that my host said anything I desired with all my strenght to leave that place. I felt how my essence dissolved into air and strange warmth crossed my body.
Edward and I disappeared from that place in a blink of an eye, but not before we could see the twisted smile which Abel offered to us like a farewell.

PURE ILUSIONS II

2009-07-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

2. EDWARD

The life or, in my case, no-life, can play in so misfortune passages... I can't no longer recall how many times did I repented for that night. I should have left Abel to keep entierly the boy; thus I couldn't be accomplice of his suffering and agony. But I didn't do it…so I unchained series of deeds which converted my miserable existence into hell. I never imagined that Abel's psychological tortures were more painful than physical.

I woke up with some odd sensation. I recognized the ceiling of my den when I opened up my eyes, but something was abnormal… I felt how whole right side of my body was hot, and unusual aroma of life which inundated the atmosphere. I would have liked to remain in that way for a longer period, but that situation of pretend peace was interrupted when something moved beside me and one hand fell on my chest.
I incorporated quickly in sudden shock… and there was he. Lying down on the sheets, in foetal position rested the body of the boy from last night.

At first I felt paralyzed, without knowing what to do, but I've seen that he was not moving, so I decided to lie down again next to him, close my eyes and listen his breathing. It was weak and somewhat faltering, but infinitely plesent to hear. I could not say how long we remained like that together, if I remember I became drowsy and even dreamed. The fact is in that moment I would have never guessed that he woke up silently and that my doze was observed by his green eyes. Those green eyes which had enchanted me forever as soon as I woke up.

The boy was lying now with twisted body and with one expression of total disorder on his face. The colour of his eyes fitted perfectly to his blonde hair and pale skin. His half-open, trembling mouth, allowed to see a part of his white and small teeth. It seemed like he wanted to speak or emit some sound, but something impeded him. When I approached to him, as if to calm him down, he reacted: his body cringed in one spasm and his arms concealed his head.
His breathing became more agitative and his nails disappeared in his hair. Immediately after he raised the sight towards me, and nibbling the lower lip, he left one slight moan.
My hand moved unconscious towards his cheek, but he separated it sudden by striking it with an elbow.

-Who are you? What do you want?- he spoke with one high-pitched and pent-up voice because of coming weeping.
I couldn't avoid to keep silent, therefore my mind went a complete blank so I observed him.Everything on him fascinated me: his appearance, his voice, his expression, his body… I could feel how my heart accelerated when my eyes crossed each of his features. I began to feel hot… one warmth very similar to which I've felt when I contemplated the naked figure of Abel in front of me, in those nights which we passed together.

I came in the one kind of an ecstasy. In that moment it appeared that the only thing that mattered to me was to embrace that boy and hold him. I believed I had heard some entreaties while I was throwing myself over him and immobilizing on bed, but I ignored them. I freed his body from filthy rags which has been covering him and I touched his feeble anatomy by crossing it with my hands and lips. His skin, despite that it was filled with cuts and bruises, was white, gentle, and warm… it appeared like it has been polished by the best sculptor. Its touch was perfect, and I had to control myself extraordinarily to not tear it with my nails.
- That's enough…- I had heard.
I felt as something was clinging desperately on my shirt. That was more than sufficient for me to regain consciousness. I opened up my eyes…and one trembling crossed my body when I saw how the boy was staring at me loaded with fear and sadness at the same time. The tears pearled his face.

I…what was I doing? Why I've been behaving like that? Did it mean that, after so many years of being a vampire, a few of the humanity that had left in me, were disappearing? Was I corrupting? That fit of rage made me to think that I was as monstrous as Abel.

I let go of the boy and sat down on the edge of a bed. My heart was still thumping in the chests and my panting was so sonorous as my companion's. It took us a long time to calm down.
- I…I'm sorry…-it was the only thing which occurred to me to say. – I did not want to… I didn't expect that… - the words were drowning in my throat. He did not even answer. He sat up on the bed and covered up his nudity whit the sheets. His look was lost and his body cringed.
- I'll bring some clothes -I spoke again. Said that and I got up, went towards one trunk and searched between garments for something which I could lend him. That boy was so slim that anything I gave him suited wide, but I didn't want to left him naked. I placed on the bed one shirt and one pants. He looked them on inexpressive way.
- Come on, you can wear them- I cheered up him- I'm sorry I couldn't offer you something of your size, but that is the only thing I can do for the present.

Immediately after I came out of the room and closed the curtains so that he could dressed more comfortable. I felt as I haven't got enough air. I went towards one table and left my weight to rest on it. One acute pain squezzed my chests and cold sweat covered my whole body, but I didn't know for what reason. Is it because of one day without any mouthful… or because of excitement which I've felt during some short instant of boy's warmth?...

Soon after the curtains opened up and the boy came out of the room. He was advancing with languid and light steps, without raising the sight from floor. He was wearing the shirt without buttons and low-waist pants which he dragged along the floor. That clothes was giving him a look now more pathetic then from time when I had found him in an alley, but I was convinced that not even the most ridiculous attire could attenuate his beauty.
- Are you his accomplice?- he asked suddenly- Will you finish what he started?
It astonished me to see him with that reaction. At first he had timid and submissive attitude, now I could even notice certain tone of rebelliousness in his voice.
- Listen…- I wanted to explain- This is more complicated than it seems. In fact I…

In fact what? The truth was that I had made one pact with one monster to extend his agony.
I had been behaving like one authentic egoist to not let Abel to end up once with his life. I've condemned him to live in one torture. But all those words I couldn't say to him.

While I was searching for an appropriate answer, the boy approached to me, and with decided gesture, kissed me. It was not a romantic kiss, far from it. As soon as his lips laid down on mine, I felt how his tongue was reckoning my eye-teeth. One expression of frustration took possession of his face and he quickly moved away from me.
- You also are… a…vampire- he said.
- Yes, I am- I affirmed- But don't compare me with Abel. We are so opposite like white and black.
- Abel?- repeated he- So that's the name of that vampire with long hair?
It gave me the sensation that the only thought on Abel provoke him a panic.
- Please…-begged he. His tone was again like before, faint and resigned. – Don't let him to find me. Last night I was lucky to escape, but I doubt that the next time I'll be able to do it.
He put one hand on the eyes and dropped himself against the wall. I didn't want to even imagine what had Abel attemped to do so that he's so much afraid of him. I would have liked so much to be able to promise him that I would maintain him away from that vampire…to think about that for the night my host will come for him, produced me the shivers.
- I wonder… whether this is a punishment which God belives I deserve- he spoke again- Years ago he had abandoned me, and that's why I renounce him… But why does he want me to suffer now, after so many time?
- The topic about God is something very complex, boy…- I answered- The easiest thing is to not question his decisions. He is supreme being who manages the world and all of us, his puppets. In this way functions the life. Simple resignation.
- Thus…- he continued- each time I understand more that there are people who want to put an end to their existence.
In the next moment he grasped my right hand with violence and, releasing one scream, he prodeced himself one deep cut on the wrist with one of my nails.
- What...? What are you doing, are you stupid?
Soon after he reacted, though I quickly teared my shirt and prepared to bandage the wound.
Nonetheless, I had to stop myself to see, how red warm liquid, was slipping in one slow rhythm because of his delicate and pale forearm. I felt how my sight was darkening and my breathing stired up again.
- Come on, do it- murmured the boy, stretching out with effort his wrist near my mouth- Let my blood to feed you. So God will not consider me as a suicide, but as a martyr who have sacrificed his life for someone else.
His words touched me so much…nothing would have pleased me more then soak up that blood from his wound, but it could bear to his death. Besides… What will happen then with the Abel's pact? Surely, if I finished with that boy, Abel would retain me in his arms again.
- No- I answered, and covering his wrist, I pressed and contained haemorrhage. I wasn't going to permit him to die… at least not before me. I promised myself in that moment to protect him as long as I can.
He was too much weak to resist. His eyes were fixed on me and his lips articulate some words: - What is your name?
His question somewhat surprised me, but quickly outlined one smile on my face to show kindness.
- I don't remember exactly… but call me Edmond.
- Edmond… - he repeated in one whispering.
His eyelids began to hide those emeralds which were his eyes. I tried to revive him by shaking him vigorously a bit, but it was useless. His head fell down on his chests and his body remained totally inanimate.
-Hey… wait- I said while I was raising his face towards me- Are you not going to tell me what's your name?
His mouth didn't emit any sound, but I could read from his lips something like «Eduard»… or «Edward». Finaly he fainted and immediately after I carried him in my arms to the room, where I lay him down on disordered sheets.
«Edward…» his name was echoing in my head repeatedly. It reminded me so much on mine…

I came out of the bedroom and advanced some steps. Over there on the floor still stayed some remaines of boy's blood. I inclined and egulfed what I could, but it was not enough and the only thing I attained was to increase my uneasiness. Too much hours without food… I looked at ceiling. There were only lamps, curtains… and bats. I got up, lifted up one arm and so one of those creatures, which started to howl, sinked one of his fangs in my arm. One trickle of blood started to drain in my fingers. If only I could drink it…everything would be neat.
The animal continued to make effort for liberate itself. And I needed to feed myself with heated blood… to not bite Edward, I was able to do everything. However, to see how small mammal was twisting between my fingers, I took pity on it… The bats were only living beings who dared to make me company during my prisoning in that cold and dead cave. I opened up my hand… and the animal got out fluttery in the room until he found one groove where he hid himself.

If only was as easy to liberate Edward, with the single opening of my hands.

PURE ILUSIONS I

2009-07-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

INTRODUCTION

The moonlight was something that always had turned me into excitment. Under it, I felt the sensation that reality was diminishing to show us what was really mattering. Everything seemed me much more beautiful and simple.

But that night I had prefered that its false light was not illuminating and highlighting the white tablets of the cemetery. Making way between the labyrinth of marbles I came up to one of the most recent tombs, and a shake crossed my body when I could see the name of my dearly lover in the cold stone.
- Edward …

I started to cry and lost the notion of time when the bloody tears covered my face.

***

Sad it is the story that I am going to tell to you. Nevertheless, although I stave to remember it, I have to say that I like to have listeners who listen it and are able of judging otherwise the vampires. Not all of them are monsters … not all of them court their victims with the only end of taking possession of their blood. There are vampires who have a heart and the same feelings experience that humans. And I can demonstrate it with the facts that happened some of years ago … when the world still had not been marked by the sign of a destructive human and the forests were covering the majority of the ways.

1. THE PACT OF BLOOD

As far as I can remember, I can only feel real hatred for him; for one vampire whose name was Abel. Presumably he descended from noble family and for five hundred years he lived as imortal being. However his appearance was like attractive young man with thin and long wavy blond hair. To confess, in my youth, from the time when I wasn't yet vampire, I felt an intense attraction for him, a thing which was my perdition. He deceited my innocent heart encouraged me to run away with him far from my home, where nobody could disturb our badly understood homosexual relationship. But when we got alone in the middle of the wood, with his supernatural strenght he immobilized me, becoming the owner of my body, absorbing the blood through wounds which he opened on my skin, he whispered on my ear: « I like you Edmond, because you're terrible easy victim».
Afterwards, he forced me to drink his own blood and in the matter of the second he converted me into a child of the Obscurity.

The beginning was something difficult to overcome. I couldn't get used to avoid warm and sunlight, thouhg I soon learned to notice the delight of the Moon.
In the nights when it remained me only to contemplate, avoiding to think about blood that I needed to drink, Abel appeared behind me; embraced me, licked my neck, my ear, my shoulder, while he was takling: « Edmond my beloved , you prefer contemplate the Moon rather then play with me?»

In the next moment he pushed me against the wall, using my extreme situation of weakness and submission, he raped me. And me, the only thing that I could do was shouting and crying.I hated him, although deep down in me I loved him.

After few weeks that I coudn't taste not one drop of blood, the curse of a vampire fell over me. I suffered in a special way of agony which couldn't defend me from Abels sexual harassments and in each and every time the situation got worse.

Soon after I learned to catch my victims. I started with children, the easiest preys, but then I realized that it was something very repulsive and sad in the same time. I couldn't approach to many women who traveled in the dark passages, because they were very caution and they wore crucifix hidden in the petticoats. Men had too much insipid and dense blood, so I settled on adolescents and young men, victims still naive and easy to dominate.

My appetite was opening more and more for each time, there were nights when I fed on whole person and I couldn't satiate. Soon after I felt much more powerful and so I could liberate myself from bonds which Abel surrounded me with. When I told him that I want to leave, he looked me on inexpressive way and shortly he said to me: «Do whatever you want»
There were months, perhaps years, that we didn't know anything about each other.

However the destiny wanted that we meet us again. Everything began one night when I got out in a hunt for food and in one alley I found asleep figure. A pale moonlight allowed me to distinguish a slim young boy with the unhealthy appearance. He didn't look much appetizing, sincerely, but the night advanced and I didn't know if I could find any other human being in that hours. I inclined in secrecy over him untile I could hear his profound but difficult breathing. I noticed that his clothes were very rudimentary and his body was wounded in several areas. I carefully lifted up his neck prepared for rip his white skin which impeded his blood to be mine, but then I pay attention to his face.

In all of the years of my miserable existence, I never felt so fascinated with the human face. Obvius it was male complexion, but his features were so angelical and delicate that I began to wonder about the sex of my victim. His well-shaped nose, his small mouth but with exciting pink lips, his long eyelashes, his slender eyebrows… and expression of complete innocence softed up my impulses and during some time I wasn't able to do anything but admire.

And in that moment the person that I least expected came on the scene. Abel, with his tipical old-fashioned and splendid attire, he appeared from nothingness in the blink of an eye. Nothing on him has changed. He still had that almost white eyes and a silly smile which revealed his large fangs.

- Edmond, my love…- he spoke with rended voice which became so much loathe to me.- Do I perhaps see that you trapped the slippery boy?
His words left me so much stunned. Did Abel already know that boy?
- I had one little problem- he said while he was concealing his lips behind hands.- I found him asleep couple hours ago in front of one dreadful church and I moved away from that place. God tainted me. That weakened me considerable.

Because of things like those I was glad that I'm relatively young vampire. Abel was more sensitive than me on the smell of the blood, but also on the religion. He was not able to see even a simple cross.
- The fact is that I was amusing myself a little bit with him…- he continued – but suddenly he got strenght to escape out of my arms and he hurled himself through the window. I still do not understand how he survived that fall. When I got out to look for him, he disappeared from my sight. Poor boy…he made so considerable effort to turn oneself underneath my body…

Abel kneeled next to me and after some brief moments that he contemplated the face of the young man, he inclined over him and kissed his lips. I didn't know how to react.
- Thank you for returning him back to me, Edmond- he whispered while he rolled his neck.
- Not a word!

With sudden movement I woke up. I pushed Abel away and I squezeed the boy against my chest. No… I couldn't hand over him… the boy was mine now, and I couldn't permit that some hateful vampire get hold of him.
- I see that you are filled with energy, my Edmond… Are you perhaps capable to confront me?

One swiftly trembling began to take possession of my body, and it increased just on the look that Abel was approaching to me again.
I remained paralyzed when suddenly he embraced me from the back, and leaned his chin on my shoulder. I felt how his hands undid my clothes and his fingers caressed there where he already knew that I would let some moan to escape.
- Please…leave me…
I let go of the boy, who motionless fell on the ground and I grasped Abel's arms in purpose for detain him. However I was more than conscious that his strenght overcome mine. He pushed me against the wall in such violent way which he perfectly knew how to do, and pressed his body against mine.
- Oh, my poor Edmond… - talked he in a false tone of sadness. – You don't want me to punish you for your confrontation, and make you cry once more after so many time, don't you? Remember you still belong to me.

I belonged… no, I was free for many years. Back in the past I moved away from him…clearly it was only because he permited me that. He got tired of me, maybe, and it was something on what I can thank him for. But now…he only thinks about returning me back into his arms, for repeat those nights of a nightmare…it produce me the shivers. Submissive I relaxed my body trying for my voice to get out with the less trembling that is possible I succumbed :
- Keep him.

I waited for Abel to release me, but big was my surprise and fear when I saw that instead of it, he grasped my shoulder and turned me around in the way that we remained opposite one to each other.

-You didn't change at all- said, while he was removing hair from my face. – You're still the same submissive coward as usual. Are you so afraid of me?
Yes, of course… I was afraid of him more than anyone in the world, but also he fascinated me. I couldn't understand him…he already had my submission by his feet, had everything he desired… What else he wanted?

- Ah…- he sighed- You are so charming when you subordinate in this way beneath me…I feel generous, you know? So I am going to propose you one agreement.
One agreement? He? Since when? I certainly was dreaming.
- Do not disfigure your face with that expression of uncertainty- he pronounced these words while he was smiling again - Since I saw you so affected by that boy, I can lend him to you…one night he'll be mine; and the other one yours. And of course, I will not bother you if you neither annoy me.

I didn't understand nothing. Abel never thought about anybody except himself… What will he obtain with this proposal?
- Come on…I don't concede to you these type of privileges very often. Why do you not accept?
I didn't know what to say, nor to do. I also knew that I could not trust to someone like him.

But I was afraid if I repeled his pact, that he will retain me. Nothing terrified me more than return to live under his absolute domain. Nonetheless, to think about poor creature who was unconscious on the ground, to suffer night after night because of our thirst for blood, frightened me even more. I was looking at Abel, undecided, who took my hand and contemplated it like it was a sculpture. I looked at the sky, desperate, which started to illuminate with first rays of the dawn. It was necessary to take decision now, and run to hide in the darkness.
- I.. it's a deal.

I saw how Abel's eyes illuminated with emotions. In the next moment, he uncovered my wrist and opened my veins with one of his long nails. Afterwards, he did the same with his. He lifted up a little my arm and left my blood to drip and blend with his. I felt bad…in my head commenced the dizziness and my sight darkened. I grasped his shirt to not fall in a faint on the ground. On the other hand he laughed… like always. The last thing I remember was a blow of my body against the damp ground.

A New Begining

2009-03-08T12:39:00.000-07:00

A Never Ending Story is the Begining of All...

Wellcome to my World of Wonderlands.